


I hope you find what you're looking for, I hope you come back soon

by Hesgotme



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bipolar Ian Gallagher, Bottom Mickey Milkovich, Dirty Talk, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Eventual Happy Ending, Fluff and Smut, Future, Future Fic, Hurt Ian Gallagher, Ian Gallagher Loves Mickey Milkovich, Jealous Ian Gallagher, Jealous Mickey Milkovich, Jealousy, M/M, Mickey Milkovich Loves Ian Gallagher, Mickey Milkovich Uses Actual Words, Oral Sex, POV Ian Gallagher, POV Mickey Milkovich, Protective Ian Gallagher, Protective Mickey Milkovich, Reunion Sex, Smut, Top Ian Gallagher, enjoy, first fic, good and hard, i dont know what else to tag, mickey has a dog, mickey is a shitty boyfriend, whatever
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-25
Updated: 2019-10-25
Packaged: 2021-01-03 06:17:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21174809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hesgotme/pseuds/Hesgotme
Summary: Set after 5x08, Ian got out of the psych ward, however mickey never came to see Ian, thus the “sorry I’m late” moment never happened. The last Mickey had seen Ian was in 5x07, when he visited him in the hospital with Fiona. After that encounter, Mickey is completely changed, vanishes and swears off men, while Ian dated guys after guys just to numb the pain.The story is set a few months later, Ian is engaged to be married, Mandy tells Mickey to speak now or forever hold his peace. Will Ian be able to trust him again?





	I hope you find what you're looking for, I hope you come back soon

**Author's Note:**

> I've been reading fics forever, but never wrote one, this is my first fic, try not to be too harsh, lol. I don't know why but I have a kink for a jealous and protective Mickey. I've always been a Mickey above all fan, however here, he takes all the blame. I know he would never in his right mind leave Ian. I also have a penchant for soft, brokenhearted Ian, so bear with me.  
The story is set after 5x08, so all the Gallavich events that followed in canon never happened, Ian never broke up with Mickey, Mick never went to jail, never got the Ian tattoo and so on, so here goes:

“ I think this might be the end with Mickey… You know the diagnosis, even if I don’t believe it, I’m pretty sure he does” Ian mumbles sadly to Lip, looking at the floor at the precinct office waiting for Carl’s arrest verdict.  
Fiona goes on talking about her failed marriage to Gus and how Gallaghers screw everything up, but Ian doesn’t care, all he knows is that Mickey didn’t come for him.  
His boyfriend, the love of his life, or so he thought, couldn’t be bothered to call or even check up on him when he left the psych ward.  
The last thing he remembers is Mickey and Fiona visiting him a few days prior, but he can’t make up anything of their last conversation. Did he do or say something wrong? Why would the great Mickey Milkovich be upset about something he did or said anyways, Mickey doesn’t sulk, he fights, he gets what he wants… except maybe in this case what he wants isn’t… Ian.  
The redhead tries to push the negative thoughts away but it mounts to nothing.  
He’s sulking, a tear stains his porcelain white skin, he’s holding back sobs, and rubbing at green emerald eyes.  
Did Mickey never love him? Maybe it was just a game to him after all.

\- As Fiona tells him for the hundredth time what went down at the pysch ward when they both visited him, he can’t see why for the love of God would his boyfriend just abandon him like that after everything they’ve been through, all the fights and the angst and the love… so he was heavily medicated when he saw him last, he wasn’t himself Mickey’s got to know that!  
Maybe it’s not what he thinks, maybe the brunette needed some time to think things through, after all a bipolar with psychosis diagnosis is hard to take in.

Ian picks up his phone again and speed dials Mick, to no avail, it goes straight to voicemail. “ Yo! If you can’t reach me on my cell it means that you need to fuck off. That means go goodbye Thank you…” “ to leave a message please press 1”, Ian hears the answering machine say and decides to leave a heartfelt message : “ Hey! It’s… Ian eum I got out of the hospital a few days ago, I thought you’d be happy to know. I’ll be home tonight if you wanna talk or whatever, give me a call. Eum Bye” and hangs up.  
This isn’t the first message Ian sends Mickey, at least 20 calls went unanswered, but for some bizarre reason he still has hope, I mean it’s the same Mickey Milkovich who came out to their whole family and his homophobic death wishing, trash, cruel excuse he has for a father, just for Ian, the same Mickey who went all the way to Boystown to make sure Ian came back home safe and sound, the one who agreed to blow him if it’ll make him stay… Ian cringes at the memory, he shouldn’t have said that at the time, but he wasn’t thinking straight, he had to take advantage of how vulnerable Mickey seemed back then. It’s funny how the tables have turned…  
Ian sits in quiet thinking things over in his head. The Gallaghers fall into an awkward silence, which is weird for them, but they all feel for Ian, they told him they could always do better than Mickey Milkovich, after all… Ian feels all eyes are on him, and lowers his head in regret and agony, Lip puts a hand on his shoulder and tells him they’ll always have each other. Ian smiles at the thought and checks his phone, time and time again, in vain, his boyfriend decides to stay quiet.

Mickey’s laying in bed, pillows against the headboard, topless with only a thin black boxer to cover him. He holds a shooting gun with one hand, and a beer can with the other. He chugs his whole beer throws it in front of him, it lands at the top of his beer pyramid and knocks it all down. He grabs the gun and moves it from hand to hand. At this very moment, his phone starts ringing, “Ian” is flashing on his lock screen, with the picture of a pretty little redhead giving him the finger.  
He picks up his phone, pondering whether to answer or continue his disappearing act, Ian would be better off without him after all.  
Deciding against it, he throws the phone against his bedroom wall, watches as the screen cracks, but still rings, and he groals. Pissed, he grabs the gun now in his right hand, loads it and starts shooting into his bedroom ceiling, at the beer cans anywhere he can at this point. Mandy is in the kitchen making eggs so it doesn’t matter.  
The more he’s angry and tipsy , the less he will have to feel or even think about what he’s doing or who he’s giving up. He just wants to shut down and pretend Ian doesn’t exist.  
Because the truth of the matter is, as much as he refuses to admit it, he loves that stupid redhead, and every unanswered phone call he gets from Ian breaks his heart even more.  
He doesn’t know why he’s doing this, he thinks Ian will be better off without him, a boyfriend is already hard to handle but a bipolar one, he doesn’t think he can help, he thinks he will just break him, that he will set him off with things he does or says, and he can’t and won’t be responsible for losing Ian to a disease. He’d rather stay away, Ian will stop calling in a few days, he thinks.

His phone is ringing again, signaling this time a new voicemail. Running to retrieve the device, he trips over an empty bottle of jack, and lands face first into the wall. “motherfucker!!” he yells as he grabs the device, blood drooling down his forehead.  
He listens to Ian’s voicemail over and over again, so much that he thinks he broke the replay button. He stopped listening to his boyfriend’s actual words, but to his tone of voice, his voice… god he would anything to hear this voice again in real life , to look into those kind green eyes, to touch that hard, sculpted torso... under the bed, he spots a too familiar uniform and grabs it. It has a tag, with the word "GALLAGHER" written on it. he wears it, smells it, and watches as a tear soaks through the material.  
He shakes his head and snaps out of it. "Gallagher is better off without me, I’ll only cause him pain” he mumbles as he grabs a cloth to dry off the blood from his face.  
This is gonna be hard he thinks, as another tear drops down his cheek, followed by many other. He’s stifling sobs now, if only his father was to walk in, god he’s such a pussy, Mandy was right, after all...

**Author's Note:**

> The "Sorry Im Late" scene is actually my all time favorite Gallavich moment, so it was really interesting to wonder what if and act as if it never existed.  
I hope it was okay, please feel free to leave comments and Kudos :D
> 
> this was just the first chapter which was like a prequel to the story


End file.
